A few months ago I was stuck in a rut, a deep, muddy and ambition-less rut. It was one of those ruts that if you grew up in rural Saskatchewan you know exactly what it looks like on our outstanding gravel roads during the initial melt of Spring. Yes, one of those ruts. No matter what I did, what I tried, I was not making any head-way. Forward, reverse, repeat; still in the same spot. I was spinning my tires and I was going nowhere. I lacked motivation and my ambition was at an all time low.

It was two months, 120 snooze button ‘ignores’ and endless days of clock watching in before I recognized the depth of my rut. What I just described are my acute symptoms of ‘stuck’. No, this is not a DSM-V diagnosis, but for me, it is very real. I was longing the days where I awoke before my alarm and time sped by at an alarming rate. Neither were occurring. I blamed it on the lack of sunshine. But let’s be honest, sunshine increases social activity, not necessarily productivity* (*Seasonal Affective Disorder is real and I am NOT belittling that).

Anyway, I knew this was a ‘me’ issue and I did something I often do not, I reached out. I sent a message to friend and former varsity teammate of mine asking for resources on motivation and productivity. If you have read my ‘Favourites’ page, this will sound familiar as this is when I was introduced to the magical Brene Brown. My friend, Gwen, sent me the link to Brene’s TedTalk and my mind was blown. I watched this woman, my hero, speak about her research and speak with such passion. She captivated me and most importantly, she inspired me. From that moment I just new that I needed to find my passion. Immediately I ordered both of her books and committed to reading them. Yes, I fed my soul with self help. Her words were profound but her purpose for her work was even more significant to me. It was in that moment that I opened my eyes and I believe I truly opened my whole heart to my own personal journey (see: Girl On Fire). This moment was the catalyst to where I am now. It was the spark to the fire.

Where am I going with this? What is my point? Simple. REACH OUT. Stop living in the darkness in isolation or worse yet, merely existing and watching a clock counting down minutes. It is painful. It is long.

I hope that each of us have experienced at least one moment in our lives of true bliss; our fire was burning and we felt we could take on the world. Even if it was fleeting, try and think of your blissful moment(s).  Life is not sunshine and rainbows but it is not suppose to be dull and lacking purpose. If you are living in the darkness, reach out. Whether it be to people of your tribe or feeding your soul some of its favourite food, do it. Get yourself back to baseline and go back to the drawing board. I am not suggesting a career change or an intercontinental move, but I am suggesting a date with yourself. If there is one thing I have learned, it is only you that can get yourself out of that rut. Trust me. I have tried EVERYTHING; vacation therapy, retail therapy, wine therapy, you-name-it therapy. It does not work. So. Take a deep breath, pack some snacks and climb into the rut. Take a look at yourself and go to work. Be real, be honest, light that fire, find your passion, figure out when you got there, what got you there, how long you have been there for and how the hell to get out. In those answers lie many truths.

Last year, I had the amazing opportunity to see my home girl Oprah, with my mom. Right? I know. Anyway, she closed her show with Derek Walcott’s Love After Love poem. I leave you with this poem and the advice to reach out and please, make a date with yourself;

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Lise

xo.